Funny quotes from my friends and family so far…(and I don’t even leave until Friday)

•  “You’re going to Pakistan? YOU?”
• “I think when you are locked up in a Lahori cell, getting wi-fi might be difficult.”
• “People from Pindi don’t want to be in Pindi” (why so much hate for the Pindi?)
• “Stop treating me like a 12 year old girl, I’m a grown ass man!”
• Q- “It’s a working day, will you have time to spend with me” A- “Mate, this is Pakistan. We’ll pick up the client, say “nice to meet you”, this is my cousin, lets go sightseeing”
• “No water, wheat, meat, vegetables, fruit or dairy”- What the F&*K is left?
• “You’re lucky you don’t know your Pakistani cousins. Once you say hello, they will ask to be sponsored for immigration and live with you for 2 years)
• “I’m not going to be shopping at all!” (That’s the really funny one!)

So I learned a few things yesterday. First, there is a consensus that I have gotten pretty old and grumpy. Secondly, 50% of you enjoy reading my witty controversial fb rants, while the other half and my missus, consider me an idiot! Well, this idiot is going abroad!

My deep fondness and love for my brother in law Omar, results in me doing the thing I thought I would never do. Go to the place where everyone is trying to escape. The Pakistan!!

Now a lot of people have tried to scare me since I booked my ticket. I will get sick, I probably will get robbed, I definitely will get raped, and hopefully will not get kidnapped! So I plan to relay my insecurities and experiences in regular postings to give you a feel (and smell) of my adventures.

Also I have been well advised, it might be a good idea to take a photo of myself each day, and let you all know where I am, so that once the postings stop, you will all get on the phone to Foreign Affairs and send a Canadian Navy Seal Team to find me. (I think the Canadian’s might send actual Seals!) All of you in Ottawa and Toronto better be useful to me. And no, 50 “likes” is not going to get me out of a hole in the Punjab. Either pony up some cash, or send Jack Bauer!

Now, I’m going to “try” to be funny, and will grossly exaggerate! So please don’t take offense! This is my shot at satire! Those of you with brown skin may get offended at the language and comments about dodgy food, bodily functions, and me shitting in a tea pot (or hey, you may reminisce about your childhood).  White people, maybe look away.

So if you don’t want your newsfeed filled with my ranting and raving lunacy, pls unfriend me now, I won’t be offended. But if you enjoy my clownish self-absorbed self deprecating interpretation of events, please “like” this post, and let’s rock and roll sohniye!