Return to the Western World
In the plane a few hours away from Toronto. I can't wait. I have had a fantastic trip and had a great time with family, both with old relatives and forging new relationships but I can't wait to be home. If there is anything this trip has taught me, it is that I am a true north americaner. I would find it difficult to live anywhere else, although I love experiencing different cultures and visiting different parts of the world. Azhar has written a great ode to Pakistan below so in my last post I'll give you this.
Things I'm not going to miss:
1....the scarcity of Toilet Paper. In a land where there is such a need for toilet paper, why is there never any in the bathroom? There's always some in the kitchens as it seems the concept of kitchen roll or paper towels has not yet been invented, but never any in the bathroom where it is so desperately needed. And this is based on my experiences in bathrooms in peoples homes, five star restaurants, service stations, rest stops etc. I think I brought about 500 wipes to Pakistan and used almost all of them on my 12 day trip.
2...Layering. I live in Canada, where the weather can get as cold as -30c and I have never layered more than 3 layers: base layer, tshirt, sweater, and over that a coat. If I'm skiing or going to be outdoors, I may swap out some of those layers for a warmer version but it's never more than that. In Pakistan, in the winter, as the houses are cold, and gas is sporadic, I felt like the Michelin man. It's only when I reached Germany on the return trip that I realized how tiny my kid is. This entire trip, his wardrobe consisted of leggings and a slim t, which was layered over with a pair of slim fitting old pajamas. Then at least 2 more shirts on top, a sweater and sometimes a jacket. The poor guys feet Barely fit into his shoes as he had a minimum of 2 pairs of socks on at any time. Going back to Canada and putting him in a single sleeper to sleep is going to feel weird.
3....the showers. Oh...i can't wait to shower in a north American shower! The water pressure, the way hot water just comes on a few seconds after you turn on the tap. The way you can stand in the shower for half an hour with no issues and change in the warm bathroom or hang out in a towel while leisurely selecting your clothes for the day. The way you can take a shower at any time of the day. The fact that I don't even own a Balti. Cannot wait!
On that note, here are the things I will miss:
1...the food. I'm going to miss waking up and being asked if I want fresh squeezed juice or a hot tea first thing and what I want for breakfast. When asked what they have, being told " whatever you want".
2... The lifestyle. Waking up and having nothing to do other than perform basic personal hygiene.
By the way, if anyone else is going to Pakistan in the nest bit, let me know. I have a huge stash of meds that I need to traffic somehow before expiry. Everything to do with nausea, upset stomach, heartburn, indigestion, diaharea, vomiting, gas and bloating. I have ginger chews, I have gravol, pesto bismol, Imodium, gas-x, tums, you name it I have it.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
First world perceptions of the fourth world
First world perceptions of the fourth world
We have arrived. From the modern motorway, which really looks kind of like the 401, we turned out to this tooty pooty dirt road where we shared road space with cows, bicycles, Tangas, wagons and all manner of shit. No really, shit. That's not a euphemism, there really was shit everywhere.
Along the side of the road we saw various manners of dhabas, mud huts, Charpais and other forms of housing, all covered with what my son excitedly calls "chocolate cupcakes". These chocolate cupcakes, for those who don't know, are made from cow dung (Atleast I hope it's cow dung but who knows) that are used as a fuel source for cooking. They are shared into patties and put on the houses to dry out in the sun, and are the single greatest contributor to the trademark gaon scent that permeates through the air.
We finally reach the gaon and go into Aymens family home, which is a haveli style ( open courtyard with rooms off the courtyard, and then a raised roof you can walk on and see below into the home). It's bustling, there is a tent going up in the middle for the valima, people everywhere, a full service kitchen dispatching chai trays with nibbles, to various parts of the house, a busy tandoor making dozens and dozens of fresh tandoori naans, huge daygs in which food is being prepared for the nights events. We sit down for a cup of chai which is not bad but tastes, well, different. It's got milkpak in it so I'm wondering what this new flavour is. Aymen is with me and takes a sip, first words out of her mouth, it tastes like goober. What is goober? Well, it's what those aforementioned chocolate cupcakes are made of. I decided at that moment I was not drinking chai the rest of the trip.
We decided to go for a walk in the village. This was actually a lot of fun. The road in the village is filled with village children, cows, goats and chickens (basically, live dinner). Cayden had a ball, feeding the goats, running after chickens. Within ten minutes he looked exactly like the rest of the gaon children. You couldn't tell his clothes were from Zara or that he was North American. With dirt on his face, shit on his shoes, snot running down his face due to all the dirt/allergies, he looked like he fit in just fine. Yay for me!
For those of you following the blog for the potty humor and shit stories. There will be a lot of that in this post. First, the kids were treated to the sight of a large cow shitting in front of them. Or in the words of Saifaan, "Aisha aunty, that cow did potty In front of everybody!". Oh yes he did. Maneuvering a toddler out of big piles of shit while trying to avoid carrying him as his shoes and clothes are already covered in big piles of shit and who knows what else was not fun. Probably not a good idea to wear a light colored outfit that you actually like.
Cayden decided that if there was a pile of shit in the road, he was going to step in it. I don't get it, I guess it's soft and squishy? All I can say is, if there was a single piece of shit on the road, my son stepped in it. Guess he takes after his dad after all.
We ended our walk in the kaith, outside of the village walls with big open fields of saag and other crops and beautiful picturesque landscapes. Don't really have anything negative to say here, it as beautiful, the sun was setting and we were all able to indulge our filmi alter egos and take beautiful shots in fields of flowers.
My funniest experience in the gaon was talking to Aymens chacha, who lives in the US and hasn't been to Pakistan in 37 years. When I asked him if the gaon was as he remembered, he said "this is the filthiest place on earth. It's just filthy. I left here 37 years ago and it has gotten worse". When people asked us what we thought of the gaon, and we told them it was very different, he told us to stop being diplomatic. Lol.
The next morning, my stomach is feeling a little queasy. I share this with Omar who smiles and pulls out his camera to share pictures of the food preparation process. Basically all the meat was skinned and feathered on site, with carcasses laid on sheets on the floor. Then, meat was butchered and butchered pieces were tossed into a Charpai that is lined with a bed sheet where it sits in the sun till the butchering Is done. No one is wearing gloves, and apron and judging from the pics, I'm not sure if they are adhering to hand washing protocol. Oh my lord. Where is Azhar and his bootleg amoxicillin when I need it? I'm also wishing I brought my own sheets as I'm not sure of the origin of the sheets on the bed I slept on last night. Luckily it wasn't a Charpai.
Omar was smart enough to shower before heading to the village. I on the other hand, am indebted to flush able wipes and anti perspirant. The "shower" consists of a communal stone walled area that comes up to mid chest, located in the front entrance to the haveli. I am not joking. Judging from the number of shirtless men wrapped in towels I see walking around in the early morning it seemed to be very popular. I tried to convince Omar but he wasn't having it. I was later told there are indoor shower facilities for women however at this point I figured I would just shower when I returned to civilization! Our bathroom did not have a lock on the door and so taking a shower just sounded like it would be a stressful experience.
We ran out of toilet paper shortly before leaving, which to my mind signified our time in the village had come to an end.
All in all, a different experience, fun in its own way bit can I say, I am very glad we were only there for 26 hours :)
We have arrived. From the modern motorway, which really looks kind of like the 401, we turned out to this tooty pooty dirt road where we shared road space with cows, bicycles, Tangas, wagons and all manner of shit. No really, shit. That's not a euphemism, there really was shit everywhere.
Along the side of the road we saw various manners of dhabas, mud huts, Charpais and other forms of housing, all covered with what my son excitedly calls "chocolate cupcakes". These chocolate cupcakes, for those who don't know, are made from cow dung (Atleast I hope it's cow dung but who knows) that are used as a fuel source for cooking. They are shared into patties and put on the houses to dry out in the sun, and are the single greatest contributor to the trademark gaon scent that permeates through the air.
We finally reach the gaon and go into Aymens family home, which is a haveli style ( open courtyard with rooms off the courtyard, and then a raised roof you can walk on and see below into the home). It's bustling, there is a tent going up in the middle for the valima, people everywhere, a full service kitchen dispatching chai trays with nibbles, to various parts of the house, a busy tandoor making dozens and dozens of fresh tandoori naans, huge daygs in which food is being prepared for the nights events. We sit down for a cup of chai which is not bad but tastes, well, different. It's got milkpak in it so I'm wondering what this new flavour is. Aymen is with me and takes a sip, first words out of her mouth, it tastes like goober. What is goober? Well, it's what those aforementioned chocolate cupcakes are made of. I decided at that moment I was not drinking chai the rest of the trip.
We decided to go for a walk in the village. This was actually a lot of fun. The road in the village is filled with village children, cows, goats and chickens (basically, live dinner). Cayden had a ball, feeding the goats, running after chickens. Within ten minutes he looked exactly like the rest of the gaon children. You couldn't tell his clothes were from Zara or that he was North American. With dirt on his face, shit on his shoes, snot running down his face due to all the dirt/allergies, he looked like he fit in just fine. Yay for me!
For those of you following the blog for the potty humor and shit stories. There will be a lot of that in this post. First, the kids were treated to the sight of a large cow shitting in front of them. Or in the words of Saifaan, "Aisha aunty, that cow did potty In front of everybody!". Oh yes he did. Maneuvering a toddler out of big piles of shit while trying to avoid carrying him as his shoes and clothes are already covered in big piles of shit and who knows what else was not fun. Probably not a good idea to wear a light colored outfit that you actually like.
Cayden decided that if there was a pile of shit in the road, he was going to step in it. I don't get it, I guess it's soft and squishy? All I can say is, if there was a single piece of shit on the road, my son stepped in it. Guess he takes after his dad after all.
We ended our walk in the kaith, outside of the village walls with big open fields of saag and other crops and beautiful picturesque landscapes. Don't really have anything negative to say here, it as beautiful, the sun was setting and we were all able to indulge our filmi alter egos and take beautiful shots in fields of flowers.
My funniest experience in the gaon was talking to Aymens chacha, who lives in the US and hasn't been to Pakistan in 37 years. When I asked him if the gaon was as he remembered, he said "this is the filthiest place on earth. It's just filthy. I left here 37 years ago and it has gotten worse". When people asked us what we thought of the gaon, and we told them it was very different, he told us to stop being diplomatic. Lol.
The next morning, my stomach is feeling a little queasy. I share this with Omar who smiles and pulls out his camera to share pictures of the food preparation process. Basically all the meat was skinned and feathered on site, with carcasses laid on sheets on the floor. Then, meat was butchered and butchered pieces were tossed into a Charpai that is lined with a bed sheet where it sits in the sun till the butchering Is done. No one is wearing gloves, and apron and judging from the pics, I'm not sure if they are adhering to hand washing protocol. Oh my lord. Where is Azhar and his bootleg amoxicillin when I need it? I'm also wishing I brought my own sheets as I'm not sure of the origin of the sheets on the bed I slept on last night. Luckily it wasn't a Charpai.
Omar was smart enough to shower before heading to the village. I on the other hand, am indebted to flush able wipes and anti perspirant. The "shower" consists of a communal stone walled area that comes up to mid chest, located in the front entrance to the haveli. I am not joking. Judging from the number of shirtless men wrapped in towels I see walking around in the early morning it seemed to be very popular. I tried to convince Omar but he wasn't having it. I was later told there are indoor shower facilities for women however at this point I figured I would just shower when I returned to civilization! Our bathroom did not have a lock on the door and so taking a shower just sounded like it would be a stressful experience.
We ran out of toilet paper shortly before leaving, which to my mind signified our time in the village had come to an end.
All in all, a different experience, fun in its own way bit can I say, I am very glad we were only there for 26 hours :)
From Pindi... to the Pind!
From Pindi...to the Pind!
This blog post is long overdue. I promised Azhar I would keep his blog after he returned to the modern world, and I've drafted this blog post in my head many times but something or the other has come up since he's left, and I haven't had time to update the blog. By "something" I mean a 35 pound iPad Nazi who requires constant attention, along with an iPad in hand, but I digress ( what did parents do before iPads were invented?)
So, cayden has been missing his nana and dad like crazy. He doesn't understand why they left without him, and in turn has stick to Omar and I like white on rice since last Friday. Luckily he has a new mumani to divert his attention, who he adores (Jaane Mani!) which has been a great help.
This blog has so far focused on life in "modern day" Pakistan, namely, big town life ie the "shehars" of Lahore and Pindi. But now, we move from the shehars to the Pind! Pindi is the Pind, you say? Well, I have now been to a real life Pakistani gaon (village) and I can assure you, Pindi is a bustling metropolis compared to the gaon.
We are heading to Omar's father in laws gaon for a family valima for 2 days. Ok, about 28 hours. Yes, I calculated. My first question upon hearing that I was going to experience Pakistani rural life: will there be wifi? ( first world problems, I know). Upon being told that there was some sort of network connection but not wifi ( which I assume means one dial up connection in the entire village), I proceeded to ask less important questions like, is there running water and questions on sanitary conditions.
If you read Azhars post on packing for Pakistan, let me assure you packing for the gaon takes it to the next level! Essentially I had to plan outfits for 2 functions. Our footwear of choice: khussas ( can be disposable) and crocs ( can be hosed down and/ or boiled to sanitize, as required!). Pants too long and need heels? No problem! Just pull them up almost to Urkel level heights, and rock on. Caydens clothing consisted of frankly, anything that could be steam washed upon our return. Ensured that there were tons of stomach meds, diapers, diaper rash cream, milk pack, bottled water and of course, toilet paper packed
Those of you who know me well know I am not a minimalist. Suffice it to say I had 3 huge bags packed for the Pind because frankly I don't know what to expect. Those who have warned me that it may not be a pleasant experience.
Wish me luck!
This blog post is long overdue. I promised Azhar I would keep his blog after he returned to the modern world, and I've drafted this blog post in my head many times but something or the other has come up since he's left, and I haven't had time to update the blog. By "something" I mean a 35 pound iPad Nazi who requires constant attention, along with an iPad in hand, but I digress ( what did parents do before iPads were invented?)
So, cayden has been missing his nana and dad like crazy. He doesn't understand why they left without him, and in turn has stick to Omar and I like white on rice since last Friday. Luckily he has a new mumani to divert his attention, who he adores (Jaane Mani!) which has been a great help.
This blog has so far focused on life in "modern day" Pakistan, namely, big town life ie the "shehars" of Lahore and Pindi. But now, we move from the shehars to the Pind! Pindi is the Pind, you say? Well, I have now been to a real life Pakistani gaon (village) and I can assure you, Pindi is a bustling metropolis compared to the gaon.
We are heading to Omar's father in laws gaon for a family valima for 2 days. Ok, about 28 hours. Yes, I calculated. My first question upon hearing that I was going to experience Pakistani rural life: will there be wifi? ( first world problems, I know). Upon being told that there was some sort of network connection but not wifi ( which I assume means one dial up connection in the entire village), I proceeded to ask less important questions like, is there running water and questions on sanitary conditions.
If you read Azhars post on packing for Pakistan, let me assure you packing for the gaon takes it to the next level! Essentially I had to plan outfits for 2 functions. Our footwear of choice: khussas ( can be disposable) and crocs ( can be hosed down and/ or boiled to sanitize, as required!). Pants too long and need heels? No problem! Just pull them up almost to Urkel level heights, and rock on. Caydens clothing consisted of frankly, anything that could be steam washed upon our return. Ensured that there were tons of stomach meds, diapers, diaper rash cream, milk pack, bottled water and of course, toilet paper packed
Those of you who know me well know I am not a minimalist. Suffice it to say I had 3 huge bags packed for the Pind because frankly I don't know what to expect. Those who have warned me that it may not be a pleasant experience.
Wish me luck!
Friday, January 18, 2013
Bye bye Pakistan! Al Vidah!
Had a really great last day in Pakistan. The original 5 Canadian contingent spent the day together in Islamabad. Just Mubashar, Omar, Aisha, Azhar, and Cayden. We sat 4000 ft high, drinking tea at Monal restaurant at the top of the mountains, toasting to a great family holiday and to Omar's Nikkah. Inshallah may he and Aymen have a bright and successful future.
So I leave Pakistan with a bit of sadness, a lot of insight into myself and with these thoughts and tips.
1. My base is Lahore. No matter where my family has moved around from country to country, My identity is from my mom. I'm Lahori through and through. Why, you ask? I'm fat, Lahori. I'm gora fair, Lahori. I'm very loud, Lahori. I love my food, Lahori. I am funny, Lahori. I swear, Lahori. i tell dirty jokes, Lahori. I have a temper, Lahori. I didn't feel unsafe at all because if anyone messed around, I just would given them one tight slap. Lahori. I must have been born again once I'd seen it. I didn't think I would miss it so much. Lahore hi Lahore hain.
2. Etiquette. Pakistani's eat formally with a spoon and fork. Sometimes it's nice to eat roti with your hands but it's also nice to be a gentleman. Banda ban! I'm also never going to complain about a public washroom in North America.
3. Pakistanis do not drink black tea with milk in the evenings. At least not in the areas I visited. Chai is fine in mornings or even at tea time, but after dinner stick to kava, made with green tea and spices. I got the recipe, so if you thought my tea was good before...watch out! Got an awesome Kashmiri Tea recipe. Going to make it every morning. Masala chai, as good as mine is, is for tourists.
4. Keep receipts for everything. People hand you receipts for all kinds of things. Bags, parking whatever. Always hold on to them as you have to show them on the way out. It doesn't make any sense. Pay 20 rupees to park, got a receipt, go in, thank you. When I'm leaving why do I have to show the damn receipt again? How do you think I got passed the heavily armed guards to get in here in the first place. This used to drive Omar crazy!!
5. It's looks crazy, but driving in Pakistan has its own fantastic flow. Accidents are rare. Just focus on your own car, and never ever go backwards, no matter what. I drove once in Pakistan to prove my manhood to myself. But I'm also adult enough to never have to prove it again. I'd much rather have a driver, and sit in the back with a newspaper and Kashmiri tea. Also, donkeys are a very suitable and efficient mode of transportation. As long as you don't mind the smell.
6. Watch where you park. They use forklifts to tow you car. Nothing like seeing your rental car 20 feet in the air. Also why bother with a road block when a shipping container full of acid will do the same job at a fraction of the price. That'll stop traffic.
7. I have always loved and enjoyed my food, but I had so much great stuff on this trip. Always order the Malai chicken tikka boti, and never order the zafrani badami leg of anything. The longer the name,the stupider the dish. Also, anything makhani is great, especially the daal. Malai is awesome, but it needs a little sprinkle of sugar to go on top of it. The Paratha is the most beautiful thing in the whole world. The croissant can kiss my ass ( though i love you too). When I die, forget the 72 virgins, I want 72 Parathay. Now if these virgins could ALSO make me Parathay, I'm willing to compromise.
7b. Some guy just said I look like Adnan Sami before he got skinny. Shit I have gained so much weight. I better crawl back into a gym.
8. Family is family and we are all connected. I felt so much love from Omar's in laws that not for one second did I think that I was with my own inlaws' inlaws. Everyone is just family. I am taking Ruby aunty with me to Toronto. We spent one day without Aymen, and we really really felt the loss of her prescence, especially Cayden. But not just that. My cousin Aftab, who I rarely see, treated me better than a brother, and just kept on giving and giving. Even after I left for Pindi, he called me everyday to tell me he missed me. I love you Affie! In Rabwah, I thought some random aunty had come to visit me. It turns out she was my moms first cousin, and even in the short time we spent together, this lady who I never knew even existed, gave me so much love, and we were able to reminisce. At Bahishti Makbarah, I realized that many of us are from one big home in India. The Khulufah, Chaudhry sb, Dr. Salam, along with so many relatives of yours and mine lie in peace together. Now it's doesn't make me want to donate everything to Wasiyat, but I'm glad someone did.
8b. I miss my grandparents. All four of them. I also thank them for emigrating and suffering many hardships so I could grow up and write this stupid-ass blog!
9. Knowing Urdu is SO SO important for the next generation. A big reason my experiences have been so good is because I wasn't an idiot trying to speak English everywhere. Punjabi is not commonly used and Urdu is king. I'm 37, had never been to Pakistan, and still learned the language, so I know it's possible. Moreover, my parents speak perfect Canadian English, so Urdu was never imposed on us. I learned Urdu from the Khans, ShahRukh, Salman and Aamir, from Mr. Bachchan, from Mohammadi Rafi and Lataji, from Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Jagjit Singh. So if someone has a problem with my son listening to Rahat or watching Hindi films, come talk to me.
10. Do not fuck with the Pakistanis! This country should absolutely not under any circumstances exist. It is a mess. Sporadic electricity at best. Not enough gas to heat your home. Danger everywhere. Absolute corruption from top to bottom. Income is close to nonexistent. Political instability ever day. Dictatorships, military rule, assassinations. Complete lawlessness. But not only does this country continue to somehow work, and grow and progress, it will stand toe to toe with anyone. The Americans bombed the shit out of Afghanistan to find OBL, but when he turned up in Abbotabad (beautiful town I hear btw), they politely captured him, said sorry sorry and bye bye. India stands strong with a billion people, and missiles pointed, and Pakistan says mess with us and Mumbai becomes Boombai. We'll make a mcbc out of Delhi. I love India I think like a mother, but respect Pakistan like a father. How did they get their hands on a nuclear weapon? These people are crazy. In Lahore they will just slap you until you bleed, in Karachi they will hold a pistol to your eye and make you piss yourself. In Peshawar they actually will bend you over, pull down your shalwar, call you Salma, and make you their bitch!
That's it for me and Pakistan! Such a great holiday. Thanks for reading. Aisha's turn.
So I leave Pakistan with a bit of sadness, a lot of insight into myself and with these thoughts and tips.
1. My base is Lahore. No matter where my family has moved around from country to country, My identity is from my mom. I'm Lahori through and through. Why, you ask? I'm fat, Lahori. I'm gora fair, Lahori. I'm very loud, Lahori. I love my food, Lahori. I am funny, Lahori. I swear, Lahori. i tell dirty jokes, Lahori. I have a temper, Lahori. I didn't feel unsafe at all because if anyone messed around, I just would given them one tight slap. Lahori. I must have been born again once I'd seen it. I didn't think I would miss it so much. Lahore hi Lahore hain.
2. Etiquette. Pakistani's eat formally with a spoon and fork. Sometimes it's nice to eat roti with your hands but it's also nice to be a gentleman. Banda ban! I'm also never going to complain about a public washroom in North America.
3. Pakistanis do not drink black tea with milk in the evenings. At least not in the areas I visited. Chai is fine in mornings or even at tea time, but after dinner stick to kava, made with green tea and spices. I got the recipe, so if you thought my tea was good before...watch out! Got an awesome Kashmiri Tea recipe. Going to make it every morning. Masala chai, as good as mine is, is for tourists.
4. Keep receipts for everything. People hand you receipts for all kinds of things. Bags, parking whatever. Always hold on to them as you have to show them on the way out. It doesn't make any sense. Pay 20 rupees to park, got a receipt, go in, thank you. When I'm leaving why do I have to show the damn receipt again? How do you think I got passed the heavily armed guards to get in here in the first place. This used to drive Omar crazy!!
5. It's looks crazy, but driving in Pakistan has its own fantastic flow. Accidents are rare. Just focus on your own car, and never ever go backwards, no matter what. I drove once in Pakistan to prove my manhood to myself. But I'm also adult enough to never have to prove it again. I'd much rather have a driver, and sit in the back with a newspaper and Kashmiri tea. Also, donkeys are a very suitable and efficient mode of transportation. As long as you don't mind the smell.
6. Watch where you park. They use forklifts to tow you car. Nothing like seeing your rental car 20 feet in the air. Also why bother with a road block when a shipping container full of acid will do the same job at a fraction of the price. That'll stop traffic.
7. I have always loved and enjoyed my food, but I had so much great stuff on this trip. Always order the Malai chicken tikka boti, and never order the zafrani badami leg of anything. The longer the name,the stupider the dish. Also, anything makhani is great, especially the daal. Malai is awesome, but it needs a little sprinkle of sugar to go on top of it. The Paratha is the most beautiful thing in the whole world. The croissant can kiss my ass ( though i love you too). When I die, forget the 72 virgins, I want 72 Parathay. Now if these virgins could ALSO make me Parathay, I'm willing to compromise.
7b. Some guy just said I look like Adnan Sami before he got skinny. Shit I have gained so much weight. I better crawl back into a gym.
8. Family is family and we are all connected. I felt so much love from Omar's in laws that not for one second did I think that I was with my own inlaws' inlaws. Everyone is just family. I am taking Ruby aunty with me to Toronto. We spent one day without Aymen, and we really really felt the loss of her prescence, especially Cayden. But not just that. My cousin Aftab, who I rarely see, treated me better than a brother, and just kept on giving and giving. Even after I left for Pindi, he called me everyday to tell me he missed me. I love you Affie! In Rabwah, I thought some random aunty had come to visit me. It turns out she was my moms first cousin, and even in the short time we spent together, this lady who I never knew even existed, gave me so much love, and we were able to reminisce. At Bahishti Makbarah, I realized that many of us are from one big home in India. The Khulufah, Chaudhry sb, Dr. Salam, along with so many relatives of yours and mine lie in peace together. Now it's doesn't make me want to donate everything to Wasiyat, but I'm glad someone did.
8b. I miss my grandparents. All four of them. I also thank them for emigrating and suffering many hardships so I could grow up and write this stupid-ass blog!
9. Knowing Urdu is SO SO important for the next generation. A big reason my experiences have been so good is because I wasn't an idiot trying to speak English everywhere. Punjabi is not commonly used and Urdu is king. I'm 37, had never been to Pakistan, and still learned the language, so I know it's possible. Moreover, my parents speak perfect Canadian English, so Urdu was never imposed on us. I learned Urdu from the Khans, ShahRukh, Salman and Aamir, from Mr. Bachchan, from Mohammadi Rafi and Lataji, from Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and Jagjit Singh. So if someone has a problem with my son listening to Rahat or watching Hindi films, come talk to me.
10. Do not fuck with the Pakistanis! This country should absolutely not under any circumstances exist. It is a mess. Sporadic electricity at best. Not enough gas to heat your home. Danger everywhere. Absolute corruption from top to bottom. Income is close to nonexistent. Political instability ever day. Dictatorships, military rule, assassinations. Complete lawlessness. But not only does this country continue to somehow work, and grow and progress, it will stand toe to toe with anyone. The Americans bombed the shit out of Afghanistan to find OBL, but when he turned up in Abbotabad (beautiful town I hear btw), they politely captured him, said sorry sorry and bye bye. India stands strong with a billion people, and missiles pointed, and Pakistan says mess with us and Mumbai becomes Boombai. We'll make a mcbc out of Delhi. I love India I think like a mother, but respect Pakistan like a father. How did they get their hands on a nuclear weapon? These people are crazy. In Lahore they will just slap you until you bleed, in Karachi they will hold a pistol to your eye and make you piss yourself. In Peshawar they actually will bend you over, pull down your shalwar, call you Salma, and make you their bitch!
That's it for me and Pakistan! Such a great holiday. Thanks for reading. Aisha's turn.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
R-town!
So while I'm so appreciative that this blog has over 2500 hits, I noticed that my daily viewership has come down a bit. Granted, some of you may just be bored of me. Others I think are just looking for juicy gossip or the latest poo pooh joke.
So yeah, I stepped in a gutter full of shit today! I hope your happy!
We had the longest day trip today to R-town (aptly named to avoid further detection and keep me from being detained). To compare, let's say I was visiting Manchester, then I took my wife on a day trip to London. Lets say we set off at 6am without breakfast and then went to visit a graveyard, met with KMV, I-sahib and A-sahib, still no breakfast, then had tea at moody mamoos, habib aunties, Lally aunties and baby aunties and phupo Salma's then drove my ass back to Manchester while eating takeaway. "That would never happen?" you say? Damn right it wouldn't, cuz that's a crazy ass day. Oh and and don't forget I stepped in shit in front of mamoos house!
I really enjoyed visiting the graveyard in R-town. There is such a sense of history both personal and on a broader scale. Distinguished members of the community are buried there, as are many of your relatives and it's just a cool way to see how we are all connected, and how we all come from the same place and our families have had such similar experiences. I am especially lucky to have visited and prayed at the feet of my Bari Ami and Bari Abu. I was close to both, never saw them enough, and didn't think I would get this opportunity. I miss them dearly. Did you know that Bari Ami was only 67 when she passed? So young!
Aisha then spent some time shopping for burkas which I don't understand. Told her she needs a burka like I need a thong. Sure it feels great on holiday, but you'll never wear it at home.
Uncle took Omar and I around to the head offices around town, meeting the many officials around town who happened to be his good friends. These guys were like top top officials, but all really nice and welcoming. Had lots of tea, chatted a bit, and one guy gave me a handkerchief from KMV. The office complexes here are just fantastic. Beautiful buildings, modern set up. This place rivals anything in Maple, Silver Springs or Southfields! I was really impressed! These guys know what they are doing.
Rest of the day was spent on the go, visiting uncles many chachas and his Mamoo. We got to see the home where he and his parents grew up. Uncle wanted to show Aymen and I and Cayden off a bit which was very sweet. They were all very nice, and one chacha in particular had spent many years in Uganda and knew my family there very well. He told me me many stories of my father, grandfather and grandfathers brother who was a devoted community member. Everyone of us at least one famous link to the community. He is mine.
One dude, a cousin, had 7 kids. 6 boys and a girl. Holy crap what's that like?
FINALLY, squeezed in a dinner of tikkas and kebabs on the go on the way home. I no longer like the concept of on the go. I want to enjoy my food experience. None of this drive thru shit. We've alhamdolillah made it back into pindi safely despite the protests. Last full day in Pakistan for me tomorrow. Aisha has agreed to continue to add to the blog as Aymens dad is going to be taking her to the pind, his actual pind!
So to recap, I stepped in shit, my thong itches and I still want my f@?&ing breakfast!
So yeah, I stepped in a gutter full of shit today! I hope your happy!
We had the longest day trip today to R-town (aptly named to avoid further detection and keep me from being detained). To compare, let's say I was visiting Manchester, then I took my wife on a day trip to London. Lets say we set off at 6am without breakfast and then went to visit a graveyard, met with KMV, I-sahib and A-sahib, still no breakfast, then had tea at moody mamoos, habib aunties, Lally aunties and baby aunties and phupo Salma's then drove my ass back to Manchester while eating takeaway. "That would never happen?" you say? Damn right it wouldn't, cuz that's a crazy ass day. Oh and and don't forget I stepped in shit in front of mamoos house!
I really enjoyed visiting the graveyard in R-town. There is such a sense of history both personal and on a broader scale. Distinguished members of the community are buried there, as are many of your relatives and it's just a cool way to see how we are all connected, and how we all come from the same place and our families have had such similar experiences. I am especially lucky to have visited and prayed at the feet of my Bari Ami and Bari Abu. I was close to both, never saw them enough, and didn't think I would get this opportunity. I miss them dearly. Did you know that Bari Ami was only 67 when she passed? So young!
Aisha then spent some time shopping for burkas which I don't understand. Told her she needs a burka like I need a thong. Sure it feels great on holiday, but you'll never wear it at home.
Uncle took Omar and I around to the head offices around town, meeting the many officials around town who happened to be his good friends. These guys were like top top officials, but all really nice and welcoming. Had lots of tea, chatted a bit, and one guy gave me a handkerchief from KMV. The office complexes here are just fantastic. Beautiful buildings, modern set up. This place rivals anything in Maple, Silver Springs or Southfields! I was really impressed! These guys know what they are doing.
Rest of the day was spent on the go, visiting uncles many chachas and his Mamoo. We got to see the home where he and his parents grew up. Uncle wanted to show Aymen and I and Cayden off a bit which was very sweet. They were all very nice, and one chacha in particular had spent many years in Uganda and knew my family there very well. He told me me many stories of my father, grandfather and grandfathers brother who was a devoted community member. Everyone of us at least one famous link to the community. He is mine.
One dude, a cousin, had 7 kids. 6 boys and a girl. Holy crap what's that like?
FINALLY, squeezed in a dinner of tikkas and kebabs on the go on the way home. I no longer like the concept of on the go. I want to enjoy my food experience. None of this drive thru shit. We've alhamdolillah made it back into pindi safely despite the protests. Last full day in Pakistan for me tomorrow. Aisha has agreed to continue to add to the blog as Aymens dad is going to be taking her to the pind, his actual pind!
So to recap, I stepped in shit, my thong itches and I still want my f@?&ing breakfast!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Nikaah
The Blogs might be few and far between now as the internet is barely working. Neither are the mobile networks,gas to heat the home. Power has been coming and going.
You see there's some major political action going on right here in Islamabad and its a pain in my ass! Some Canadian maulvi Qadri has put together an occupy movement and million man march all at the same time. Millions of people are descending on islamabad protesting against corruption and for fair elections. The government has tried to block their passage and has set up crazy roadblocks of shipping containers full of acid. Its not dangerous per se, but getting in and out of Islamabad is near impossible.
I just hope the airport is open on Friday or someone is going to have to adjust a bit too much.
Luckily it didn't affect the nikaah function last night. We had a lovely function last night with very friendly people and nice food. Omar and Aymen both looked great and seem really happy now that the pressure is off.
Aisha looked gorgeous but alas she's a married woman.
Wedding functions are very different here. First, everyone eats politely with a spoon and fork. We look like monkeys eating naan with our hands. Also I normally don't notice a stage setting but this one was very nice. Nice fresh flowers and I especially like how they lay out sofas on the ground level below the stage for vip ladies. keeps them out of the way.
After the nikaah reception, Aisha, C and I escorted the happy couple off. So I got to drive in Pakistan for the first time. I didn't get to yell at anyone (boo) but honked my horn a few times and ran a couple of red lights. Nice.
For laughs, we went to this secret inside road that has this deep incline which we sailed down like a rollercoaster. "Again?" Cayden exclaimed. Sure beta, why not?
Once we arranged a babysitter, Aisha and I had a great late night youngsters outing with Aymen, her bhabi from Australia and Omar.
First kulfi falooda. You see in Pakistan when you want something desi, its all available but the restaurant could be dodgy or even unsafe especially for ladies. So most outings are held in the car. You pull up to to the joint, guy comes and takes your order and everything comes to you in the car where you sit and enjoy. I've had like 6 snacks this way. khana ka khana. And if shit goes down you just hit the gas and get the hell out of there.
Finished the night at McDonalds which is pretty much McDonalds. But here its a destination spot in a fancy park. We even paid cover! McD's is very comfortable for ladies and it is expected for you to go in and lounge. Got a full meal with the spicy chicken sandwich. Blueberry pie with custard. That was good.
Touching moment last night when Aisha thanked me for coming to Pakistan. "Why?" I ask. "You know all the Pakistani stuff. You play cricket with the kids, joke with the uncles, and the aunties just love you!" For years, I have always been great at charming the aunties. Its their hot daughters that never give me a lift.
And then Aisha called me a "little bitch"! :)
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Dholki
Ok. The appetizer is done. Main course tomorrow. (Why am I always talking about food!)
We had a great Dholki function today for Aymen and Omar. Lots and lots of ladies took over the house in fancy suits. Lots of singing, great home made food, especially the chicken salan and kebabs. Omar was the centre of attention in the ladies side and he loved every minute of it!
I on the other hand was not the centre of attention.....I tried to sing once. Everyone ignored me so I shut up and went downstairs. :(
Great event though we really missed you all from Canada, US and Germany. Aymen is great, you will all love her. She should settle in with everyone just fine. The only sad thing is they will live all the way in Calgary.
Her parents have been fantastic hosts. Uncle Naeem especially is totally in love with Cayden which is really touching. He calls him our "Boss". Go figure.
So Cayden has fallen asleep in uncles bed during the dholki. Uncle comes up to me, "Azhar, Boss is sleeping in my bed, how do I get him out?"
"Uncle, I haven't figured out how to do that myself. If you want, you can sleep with me. I'm sure Aisha won't mind" (cue your laugh based on prior blog entry. Ha ha gay joke gay joke. Moving on)
Uncle replies. "No problem with me. Mr Cayden boss is now staying in my room. In fact he's now going to stay here. I will take him to my village and we will walk hand in hand and inspect my fields. I will teach him Urdu, Arabic and proper Punjabi. You come back next year with 50 people and then I'll give him back." So cute.
Now about that kidnapping ransom. Do you guys have PayPal?
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