Not so fast times at Lahori high

They say you haven't been born until you've been to Lahore.

I don't know if that's true, but its been a good start so far.

After ruby aunties wonderful parathas, we set off on the Daewoo bus to Lahore.  Just the regular fare, will try the vip on the way back. Its was a good easy ride. Aisha's dad was great company as usual. He and I have built great rapport over the years so we can hang out like friends. Though he got us in trouble.   We stopped at a rest stop for coffee and were just gup shupping with some guy. I kept saying " uncle we better board" and he kept saying "koi nahin. Lots of time." We get to the bus where a very grumpy conductor informs us the whole bus was waiting on us. BLOODY CANADIANS.

Sighted from the coach. A guy wants to take a leak against a wall. Now, guys ( and some girls admit it) all know that we have all peed in funny places in our day. But this guy is at a really busy intersection, squats in full paki position,  yanks it out and then looks back and forth to see if people are looking. Mate, there are 500 cars surrounding you in a traffic jam. You're not exactly stealth. And why cant u stand like a normal person?

Get to Lahore on time and am greeted by uncles friend  Omar and my old dear cousin Aftab. Aftab and I have had plenty of good times over the years, so at this point. I'm ready to ditch the father in law and party. Ignore earlier compliment.

So I joke with uncle, "you run along, my cousin and I will be good boys and stay out of trouble.  We'll probably just go read namaz and go to bed"

Where does Afee take me first? To read namaz! Bhai bahut seeda hogaya hain!

Now Aftab may be a lahori at heart, but even he succumbs to the craziness of Lahore traffic. No lights, no stop signs, a one way is really a three way.  An hour and a half to get 10 km. The roads are filled with cars, motorcycles, bicycles, rickshaws, buses, coaches, and donkeys.  In fact the ASS kicked our ass. I should have ridden the donkey home instead of the fancy corrolla. (Yes, corrollas are fancy here. Go with it)

The reason for the jam. They are building a fancy new bus lane. Now by building, I mean two guys with pick axes tearing up the road by hand, while the third applies asphalt with a paint brush. Um. This might take a while.

Now my boy Aftab is a flash guy, so he takes me to his very flash office and home in DHA or Defence. Once getting into DHA, the whole world seems right again. Is that a traffic light? Are we stopped? Huh? Where did my friend the donkey go?

DHA is beautiful.  Big modern buildings,  beautiful plazas, parks. Afee has this modern office above a proper Levis and Dockers store. In his bathroom, munni badnam is playing! Do I pee or do I dance? You know how I love to dance? But I don't want Azhar badnam hogaya darling pee pee ke  liye.

Quiet night in. Tasty biryani. And I'm getting into the whole "help" vibe. Aftabs got a great guy sohail who is just with us always. We don't even have to put the DVD in the player! Its my brothers house so theres no takaluf.  SohaiI's mother is the cook. I've ordered my favourite breakfast of mouli paratha for tomorrow. Do we have mouli? No but it'll be here. Do I want it first time or second time? Bloody hell, how many breakfasts am I going to eat? Chalo, lets have it first time and ill decide what I feel like for second time.  Sohail is coming home with me!

I have been totally annoying Aftab asking him if everything he feeds me is safe. He tells me to shut up, eat it, and if worse comes to worse,  I'll get to see the inside of a Pakistani hospital, pull down my pants, and have a injection put in my butt. Lets hope I don't get my mcbc done!

Aisha and Omar and Cayden are en route. Safe travels.