In the depths

I've endured 8 hours locked in a middle eastern airport terminal. I've got no jokes, I find nothing funny right now. I just want this plane to come and take me. Four more hours.

I've read, shopped, watched movies, charged all my gadgets, ate, slept, even prayed and still. Time stands still. I was hoping I could sleep, but a half hour nap leaves me refreshed. I don't want to be refreshed, I want to sleep through it.

Tom Hanks made being stuck in terminal look easy. But he was in New York, there was a Burger King, and that was all bullshit.

You may be thinking, "well, maybe he saved a lot of money?" Nope. Plans changed last minute and I just had to get there. It's been a hard journey.

One thing is for sure, I better get a visa so I can visit Riyadh on the return trip. If not, I'm staying in Pakistan.

I get why people come to the West and don't go back. Give them a break. After making the trip, it's easier to make a new home someplace then make the long voyage home! And they come on boats!

F*%#king JFK

So Air Canada flight to New York, I've got a nexus card, quick flight, 3 hours in New York, plenty of time to change terminals. Easy peasy right?

Not for me!

I get to JFK, New York, AMERICA, and the stupid Airtrain between terminals isn't working! They don't tell you it's not working. It just never comes. No attendants, no information booth. Nothing!

Now a tiny little bus comes by every 30 minutes to take ppl around, never stopping at the same place twice. Islamabadi's, you've got nothing on Americans. When the bus finally arrives, already full, these guys ATTACK it. Me with my "aunty suitcase" don't stand a chance. I push over an old lady to get on one. Only got two hours to my flight, I gotta do what I gotta do. We make it one stop, when the driver announces he is now travelling to Jamaica, Queens all of a sudden. 1 hour and I've made it ONE stop. stuck at terminal 8.

I finally find an illegal Indian taxi cabbie who I coax into driving me to terminal one. Thank god I know hindi. So 30 dollars later I make it to my terminal with little time to spare. ( Aisha you would have done this an hour ago, but you'd be so proud)

Saudi Airlines itself is pretty decent to Jeddah. Boarding is easy. But one funny thing. This poor innocent white guy had booked himself a nice little exit row. But upon reaching his seat, the attendant informs him he is now sitting in some random row. I think he's still arguing about it now.

I seem to be seated near the "prayer area" at the back of the aircraft. There's a good size area open, where u can do sajda. At least 8 could pray here. I'm probably not gonna, but just sayin. Actually, I probably will. Will kill some time.

SHIT, new update. White guy is reading namaaz. He's one of them....I mean US

Fun fact. Most airline movies obviously are family friendly having cut out sex and swearing. Arab friendly goes further. Small amounts of cleavage are blurred out totally drawing your attention to it. Hindi songs are out. And any MENTION of an alcohol is removed. Guy sits at a bar, orders a ____. Showing ppl drink is fine.

Dude in front of me is watching a bootleg of "This is 40" on his iPad which has a little nudity in it. So he creates this fort with blankets between his seats so no one can see.

Food on this airline was pretty decent. Chicken and saffron with roast potatoes. I even landed a second entree of tilapia and rice. Half way through the flight, they set up a buffet station with all you can eat sandwiches and fruit. No too shabby.

On board and off to Jeddah.

Alhumdilillah!

My journey begins.

So I'm off on my first flight to new york. No complaining today.  I'm very excited to be off on this adventure.

Just a little sad to be alone. I don't like leaving my family even for a day and watching cayden cry for me as I left was tough. Ill see them in 5 days and at least I get peace and quiet on the plane.

You know my friend Jamal asked "so azhar bhai is going to Pakistan for the first time? What's the big deal?" His mom responds"he's 37"

"Oh, that's different!"

I think that's the point. I'm going as an adult so have no childhood memories to compare to. No idea of what to expect other than the exaggerated warnings from my family and friends. I hope for the best and expect the worse!

All of you who know me know that I am entrenched in and appreciative of Pakistani. I sing qawalli and play cricket and wear kurtas and cook kebabs. And Pakistani women are beautiful. I even married one! Maybe even two?

And more importantly Aisha and I are going to meet our great new sister in law Aymen, and to help guide her and omar on this first leg of their own long journey.

But I'm not going im blind. The culture shock will be huge, the dangers apparent and the memories unforgettable. I'll tell you how I really see it.

So how does my wife say goodbye?

"Azhar, let me look at you, hopefully not for the last time. And if you do end up in trouble or kidnapped or in jail. I'll be sure to remember what you always tell me."

"IT'S NOT WORTH THE MONEY"

Gods new plan

Astaghfarulah

So I must have really pissed God off with my earlier rants.

And as punishment he threw some unforeseen circumstances my way cancelling my partying in London and Dubai and instead has called for me directly to him in Saudi Arabia.

Poor Omar and I spent the entire day on the phone rerouting my trip. Stupid call centres are full of idiots, 45 minute hold times, inability to process credit cards. One attendant actually spent 20 minutes with a pen and paper doing basic math to see how much money I lost. I thought Indians were smart? I'm so poor.

And what's worse, I fly back through New York and will enjoy going through US customs with a passport full of urdu and Arabic.  That inappropriate rape comment from before.  Oh that's definitely happening but now a white guy will do it.

So 30 hours to get to Islamabad and 40 hours to get back. I'm going to be so grumpy!