Last night in Lahore

I think I need to stop the blog right here, because I'm going to get in too much trouble for having just too much fun. Really missed Aisha today and wished I had brought her and C and uncle and Omar to Lahore. Especially tonight.

My darling Aftab has been the most generous host. I can't tell you all the wonderful things he's arranged for me while I've been here ( for fear that he might send Huma and Henna to a hotel.lol.) but I've been fed, kept warm (no small feat) and impressed.

But he's a real ULU KA PATHA!

Everytime a beggar walks by, he sends them to me. "Go to Azhar sahib. Its his car. I'm just his driver. He'll give you dollars,  he'll give you pounds!" Swarms of people just start following me around. Kamina.

Poverty here is less extreme than what I understand is the case in India but theres still lots.  But while I came here with a softer heart its become a bit hardened. I've grown annoyed with the manner in which people ask. It takes its toll. It comes across as very scripted and fake. If you give 5 they ask for 10. If you say no thank you to something they sell, they say give me money anyways and then just persist. I've also seen how no one goes hungry. There are langars which produce a lot of free food distributed in and around the city. No one sleeps on the streets. I'm sure its a more complicated problem and I've turned into a rich asshole Lahori, but its a tough one.

So it turns out an old university friend of mine, Saira, is a teacher in Lahore.  We've known each other 18 years! She's married to a former US Marine working on a special project in Islamabad so they both travel back and forth. She loves Lahore but with no gas, no heat,  no electricity even in her fancy Gulberg compound, she's happy to go home in six months. Ottawa Carleton alumni,  maybe time to set up a fund to Save Saira! Samad, Nadeem get on it!

Aisha and I last met Saira maybe 7 years ago, but she came across my blog and got in touch. So crazy!
So Aftab and I added her to our "Sad Singles away from our Spouses Support Group".

Tonight was just food place after food place. And you guys are still going to say I missed something.

But highlight was dinner. Cheema sahib is head chef/owner of Aandaz. A trained chef from the US, he bought a brothel with the most spectacular view and converted it into the best restaurant wonderfully staffed by people who ordinarily would never find honest work.  He's the most funny, gracious guy, our age,  and Aftab's dear friend. So he took us to the upper upper level and sat and had dinner with us. That's called a chefs table! He treated us to the most beautiful food, overlooking the most spectacular view of Badshai Mosque and the Lal Quila Fort and the Dera Sahib Gurdwara, while playing the most beautiful music. My whole life, this is what I dreamed Lahore would be like.

This is still the Lahore of Akbar, Jahangir and Shah Jahan.

Laanat hain gerrard street par.

I think I want to start writing this post in urdu as my English has gone bye bye.

I've learned lots of Lahori slang, most of which I cannot repeat. Adeel call me when I get back. Maza layenge!

But I can give one example.

When your friend is "german" that means he's solid, reliable, trustworthy.

When he's "china ka" he's cheap, fake, and breaks down just when you need him.

My primary experience so far is with Lahore so I'm unsure as to how to proceed. If I give a good review you'll say this is also in Karachi, Islamabad etc. If I give a negative comment you'll say "oh that's stupid Lahore". Lets "assume" my experiences exist throughout Pakistan.

It takes a few days to understand this place. The complexities are so absolutely immense. What first looks like chaos is really just a natural flow.

While Canadians are generally like ants marching to the queen. (See union station or dvp at 8am), Pakistani's are like schools and schools of fish. Each one making sure they are fed, just swimming around but never actually hitting each other. Big fish eat more, and there are plenty of bottom feeders. Oh and they shit everywhere!

I've started to become a little aggressive like the lahoris. It turns out it was always in my blood.  Haggling with waiters, yelling at motorcycles. My posh urdu speaking in laws are going to think I'm a gorilla.
Pakistanis complain a hell of a  lot. But you're at the office, in a meeting, power goes out. You want to drive home, roads closed. You want to cook dinner, your neighbourhoods don't have gas. You bitch and moan, no ones listening. Not even your donkey.

After a so so restaurant experience, I've decided to stop chasing the curry. That's the Pakistan of our mothers and grandmothers and they have fed us the best karahis and keemas and biryanis we will ever eat. Nothing will compare. Although my wifes biryani is rock solid

Modern Pakistan is about having everything from everywhere but with chaska and style. Trying to avoid it is no fun. In an evening, we can enjoy the western espressos in a posh club, followed by the most beautiful gorgeous masaladar kebabs and tikkas brought in a tray to your car window while you're parked next to porsches and beemers and benzes. Asli drive-thru. Then end the night in the rowdy H block with item numbers blasting and kashmiri chai. Chas aa gaya.

Masala fries, spicy kfc, keema pizza, that's what real desi khana is now. Go eat haleem in the retirement home. (did I mention my wifes haleem is award winning?)

I plan to return and bulldoze Lahore tikka house on Gerrard street.

Bloody chinese restaurant!

Arrival in Islamabad

Here I am. You all said it wouldn't happen. 

So I was advised to get a porter to help me out of the airport.  Omar gave me a thousand rupees and said this is what it will cost. Aisha advised me to never ask what things cost, just tell them what you will pay. So I, thinking I'm a pro, tell the porter, "I'll give you 500 rupees or piss off". He happily agrees. Turns out he would have done it for 200. Groan.

Airport is chaotic but cool. I found wifi and was able to check in with people no problem.   People have been overall friendly and nice.

First things first. We have to set up. Get the water, phone, medication,  money exchange.  Everything is close by. But you can spend your money quite quickly.

So I'm digging the initial vibe. Don't get me wrong, its f&*cking Looney Toony here. Loud, run down, chickens and ducks everwhere. And thats the city. What does the village look like?

And again, all dudes! I would hate to be a lady here. Though they may all be at home watching Humsafar.

And usual things happen, power goes down, heating gas is low, its a bit cold. But that's no big deal. Too bad the pakisani's don't have access to our luxuries.

Ok gotta run. Tea time. Off to Lahore tomorrow.